Does He know??? Written through the heart of a daughter

Does he know

that I can’t breathe, that my chest tightens when he walks into  the room?

Im being judged.

Im a mess, my house is a mess,

I want to make you happy

I want to make you proud

But I would never say these words out loud.

Just give me a hug

just hold me tight

But we don’t do this, we just fight.

We joke around, say hurtful things

Im your daughter, your the “king”

Am I suppose to take this?

Am I suppose to have respect?

But to you, your expectations of me, I have not met.

You shake your head with disappointment and give me that icy cold stare.

Sometimes it just doesn’t feel right, sometimes its just not fair.

Does he know?

how this makes me fee3l? that it tears me up deep inside, and form to bring this up to you it would ruin all my pride.

“This is what you want” he says

“This is where you want to be?”

“The farm life is for everyone, you have to just agree.”

To be a farmers wife, to have all the freedom in the world, you can have whatever you like, as long as you do what you are told.  Does he know He has broken me?

he tore my soul apart, I feel as if I’ll never be good enough, I ‘ll never be that part.

i just  can’t do anything right, and I always make you mad, why can’t you just accept me, why can’t you just be my dad.

Does he know?

he went to far and pushed me further away, Im done Im tired, it doesn’t always have to go your way.

I have mixed emotions, should I go or should I stay?  to be the family puppet or follow my own pathway.

For now I say goodbye to you, it’s time for me to grow, to the person Ive always been inside, so for now I’ll have to wonder, will he ever know?

Shaelynn Dee

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