Could it be me?

I want to share a bit about my journey into writing and sharing and why it began more as a need to help others break free of the stigmatization of being mentally vulnerable. I have always struggled with Intense emotions that present themselves in what I believed was cyclic in nature, but seemed to extend past only a few days. I called it initially “anxiety, and then changed it to pms, then exchanged that again to pre menstrual dysphoric disorder (hormonal related mood change for days post ovulation until menstruation), and it is only recently, I’m considering there’s more.

As some of you may be already aware, Shift, redesigned from difficulty is a book I wrote in 2017 to honour anxiety and depression, but more to share a journey of struggle to resiliency! I am now twenty years beyond that stage of my life and I am still forever learning about good mental health. today I want to share with you more than ever before about the experiences of our world. It’s a journey of my sons life, but more, how his diagnosis opened up so much more! Mental illness is not black or white, it’s masked amongst colour, and it takes a certain light to realize! Sometimes finding a treatment takes time, and it’s all apart of discovering what works uniquely for every individual!

It’s human nature to never stop knowing, needing, challenging, and growing, at least that’s the way it is for me! If u have been following any of my posts, you might be aware I have a well known line of mental illness, and our family too, has mental heath needs!

Ashur is my eight year old son who was started on adhd treatment over about two years ago, and it was then I learned to reach in more to discover, is this what I’m missing?! Ashur has been happy, coping well, and generally feeling on top of this world (for the most part)! . His journey of adhd taught the most valuable life lessons not only as his mom and as an NP, but more in my own personal self discovery!

I will give u insight into our son and his Health journey! I believe it can help you see that sometimes a diagnosis takes all the in betweens!

Ashur began shining difficult moments early in life during his infancy stage , but I guess it goes to say “he s just colicy”

Play dates began and it was here we started noticing an increase in his aggression and being overly in your space, which was when the suspicion of “something” began, but ….he is just young, these are “normal developmental traits.

His anxiety and difficult behaviours continued to grow, despite his strength in his physical milestones! From the tiny age of 9 months ashur began walking, and climbing and being active all at once! By the time he reached into the age of 2, he was skating and bursting at physical development yet socially he was “in his terrible twos!” So okay, he was born with characters of an athlete, when will his emotions stop being so complicated?

How could this be, what would it take? I want him to adjust socially, and tolerate change!

Ashur needed structure, and couldn’t tolerate stress, , it created such turmoil, he’d soon outburst at best! Birthdays seems like a forever bargaining streak, just trying to get him to join in and enjoy the little things!

Over time we started to see, he suffering with something called “child anxiety.”

Soon we reached a place and could no longer tolerate, we knew it was time reach out!

Ashur was prescribed anxiety support, and we struggled on after despite the skills!

We carried on again, hoping it would pass. And soon it came time we weren’t coping at last! His impulses reactions were super intense but it again was excused “he’s a spoiled kid” instead!

It got to a point we felt we could tolerate no more, and that is what led us to open a new door.

A medication was given and some things enhanced! It never changed his ignorance and his mornings were bad! Some things improved so we defined success as that and we moved on living, as if it should pass!

I want to fast forward now, until again we faced change, it was a workshop I took which led me to question his “condition” again. It was on the topic of child psychiatry, and soon I questioned more! Could this be? Does my son suffer with adhd? And it was in that moment I knew, we had more work to do!

Ashur wanted nothing for Christmas that year, he just asked for help, and in this instant we knew it was his mental health.

It was Halloween day, and somehow the time seemed right I could not put up one more day in this fight!

We met our boy, after so many difficult years, this lively motivated child had so much love to give! He is so lively, and happy, patient, and kind (especially about an hour after his medications are taken), the difference this made allowed us all to rewind time! We couldn’t go back we couldn’t fix our past, we had this moment now, to thank in advance! Ashur is better, his family so much too, who knew what a difference could come from something new! We all seem happy to simply understand it’s so much more tolerant to lend a helping Hand! We know he is learning and trying to cope through his mind, it’s a blessing and a curse , we ll discover in time!

Ashur is now quite generous and caring, something we once dreamed we could see, His determination and ambition is unbelievably sweet!

What an inspiration it’s been to learn so much from our boy, the importance of opening up new doors! mental illness and stigmatization is a significant concern, and it is my duty to advocate the removal in journey I have learned! it’s time we break the silence, crush the excuse, and take a step to listening, and dig closer to the truth! Maybe it’s you who suffers silently like this, please listen to our story and help take the step in….. adhd is highly genetic and it is often through our children, adult adhd is confirmed!

I took a lead to learn more about the condition we once perceived, and soon I discovered

Could this actually be me? Well……. there’s no way .. I’m just not extreme, but wait I do often find myself off in a daydream. I can go from 0- rage, Without reason or why, I have no self control but sometimes I thrive!

I was always adrift in school, I was often insecure, I would be the first to step up to work, but could quickly face overwhelm too. I can have extreme tantrums, I often lose my thought, I’m forever hyper focused, don’t interrupt me, I can only have one thought! “But your so busy” “I don’t know how you do it” I’m easily distracted too but I love feeling Stimulated, it balances me through!

Where’s my cellphone , omg not yet again, oh mom it’s down in the basement in a random location….I am very strong, a multi tasker if u will, I can take on so much, I don’t care about detail! I need things done quickly, but often take on too much, I’m all over the place often, but simply can’t stop” ! Perhaps I must look deeper, perhaps im delving in, i perhaps need to self reflect more, all these disorganized thoughts might be a lead in!

Ashur is a child who had components of inattention, and hyperactivity, which is known as combined adhd. His hyperactivity and impulsivity (displayed through hitting, anger outbursts, and limited self control in verbal outbursts), finally made sense to me, when I finally learned more about the condition and how it presents versus what I believed it to be: “just busy” or having poor parenting!

Not all clients with add /adhd have the same symptomology! In fact – many girls go undiagnosed and suffer in silence due to the nature and extreme presentation in some children’s being ! Only The loud hyperactive kids pave the way in for clinical support but having attention deficit in girls can look different which leads to it being overlooked!

Anxious and sad, feeling or acting shy, nail picking, ditziness, or maybe just being a class clown! Losing our focus or simply acting off, these are the overlooked symptoms we toss……there are guidelines that help us read between the lines and often it takes time after time! Be an advocate for you or to your someone, it takes courage to come back and continue to ask!

What is ADHD anyway, It’s so misunderstood, it’s real it’s out there, and it can have a powerful outlook! There are some great therapies, and supports in the world out here, the key is to always be open to hear! Needs are complex and can forever change, it’s important to listen when gains could be made. I too have similar traits and can definitely relate, I am learning to let go and allow myself change. I want to feel good, my goal is forever to live at my best, My mental health is a priority it must take presidence!

As a nurse and a mom, and to a family member and friend, I want to encourage everyone to always seek in!

If u notice life feeling like it’s becoming unglued , be your best advocate and try something new! exercise and lifestyle are crucial first steps, but reaching out for help sometimes could be the secret to success!

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