In a moment, I felt tears with a welt to my eyes. It wasn’t to truth but a lie that arised! In a particular instant reality was masked and soon anxiety heightened my task! – a vulnerable thought arised to my mind, as I unpacked three kids school supplies! School closure is all that it was, it felt more like a sudden tragedy loss.
What it felt like to me was grief. A sudden thought of significant loss. Looking down at their things , stimulated me, it wasn’t real but was very extreme!
What a terrible thought arrived to my mind, it was so incongruent to the reality of life!
My kids were home, all three of them safe, full of energy and fully embraced! But I felt emptiness overturn me inside, in just a small moment it felt like a tragedy ride.
Anxiety is real. I am emotional at today’s experience because I am tired. I’m tired of being the mom wakened at 630- for the excitement of home schooling to begin. I am tired of the structured attempts failing- for my kids are just frustrated. I’m exhausted in expectation and not winning. People not taking the seriousness of self isolating- or is that just my perception weighing!
I’m more busy on phone clinic visits , med refills, phone calls to be fit in , and follow ups, of issues that have arrived since my absenteeism. I am lonely at work surrounded yet by clinicians and I am uncertain of what’s to come and learning to let things happen as the unfolding is the mere beginning. – who knows what will result from the happening!
Each of my children bring with them their need. We’re all at different levels and it’s going in all directions as we proceed. I’m having to find a way to refill my cup because these times its overwhelmingly trying, I must learn to show up.
I’m greatful to have my kids to hug, to be blessed with health, through all the push and shove. That moment was Not a moment of real, reminding me how easy mental anxiety is to feel. I’m lost in a world requiring so much of my mind. I’m learning to flow, it’s the only way of the tide. I’m letting go of what isn’t sustaining, Just embracing the change and not overestimating!
We’re here, alive and creating new meaning, we must accept positivity and embrace moments that may just be a feeling!
I’m using writing as an outlet today, a moment to harmonize the heaviness of COVID-19
The truth is we are safe and going through change. One day at a time through the adjusting of mind! I m not cut out to be a full time mom, teacher, nurse, and a loved one! One step at a time is all I can do, learn early from me- or you ll experience the burn out feeing too.
Im embracing today, every piece of the fun, letting go of the world as it’s seemingly comes undone! Mind over matter is the only beginning -mastering through the tide the value of life meaning!
I will love my children and so blessed that there safe, their school supplies home marking a state!
It was only a feeling, so being grateful instead- , embracing the moments refocusing quality embed!
So a lesson early of what stress can do, remind your self regularly your okay, and moving through! I realize I’m lucky and safe, and blessed to have children safe home through the haze of a pandemic.
No more pressure of must do this and do that- were journeying together and creating gratitude agendas!
Do what you can, let go of the rest, remember the importance of staying positive at best!
Tuck your kids in, educate when you can, help one another, lend a helping hand. We are better together, so just for today, let go of the difficulty and master each memory made!
Isolation day 2 March 18,2020