Conflict Prone?

conflictEver start into a conversation and without warrant it becomes heated and uncomfortable?  I have lived a life feeling this way, and as so, I have made it my mission to learn how to better improve my communication skills (which I am by far, less than expert).  I have valued in learning key features of two way communication and have since recognized the value a “crucial conversation serves”.

A crucial conversation can better be described as a conversation that can result in huge impactful outcomes on the quality of ones life.  They are the “tough” ones.   Many of us have either mastered backing away, or blowing up inappropriately, but have not quite figured out there is a better in between way!

Emotions make conversations the most difficult.  Often when we are faced with something we care much about, then we put our heart into it, and more so or body reacts to it, with the fight or flight response, which can trigger our approach.

Why would mastering conversations help?  firstly, they can build up our character, they can help master organizational structure and function, they can improve relationships with others (and with ourselves), and they can lead to a win win to moving forward on difficult subjects.

I have good news!  Dialogue skills are “learnable”.  I know this, because I have gained some tips along the way, and see the value in working on crucial areas in my life.  I have discovered how a conversation can make all the difference.

I always teach something I gained from a course : RELAX first: Calm the emotion! if you go into a crucial conversation angry, scared, protective or with pitty, you will behave poorly in the conversation. Take the time to calm down, if the emotions are high.

Secondly:  reflect:  FOCUS: what do you really want?  What is it htat I want for myself? for Others? and for the relationship?  by learning this, it reminds us of our goal, and it keeps our brain focused.

An important step is to Open yourself up to be willing to change too.  Its not about a win-lose, its about finding the balance.

Understand what your current stle of reaction is under stress too! this step is very important to make a shift.  If you understand how you behave, you can then consciously discover what u need to work on to mutually be In a two way conversation (Silence VRS violence ).  Other aspects under silence are masking, avoiding, or withdrawing and other aspects of violence are controlling, labeling, or attacking).  If you begin falling into your “go to ” pattern, you need to find a way to step back, relax, then revisit the conversation.  Realize that feelings lead us to reactions:  angry—- we attack or fall silent).

The third step is to respond, using a persuasively non abrasive approach.  Crucial conversations give us a tool of STATE:

(what to do) :Share your facts, Tell your story, (how to do it), Ask for others paths, Talk tentatively, Encourage Testing!! (ACT).

Passion can be our enemy, learn to relax, and learn to go through the hard stuff, better prepared to work on You!  Don’t forget to Listen to the other person, an dwhy they do things as they do! this is the most crucial, is better understanding others’ perspective, You just never know, how you too can be affected.



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