Health Anxiety

I want to share my experience leading up to the moment i decided to vaccinate for covid- and the moments/ days following, as a way to bring insight into my personal experience with it!

If your new to my blog or my story you may have missed learning that I have a timeline behind me that has consequently heightened my anxiety in catching covid, but also vaccinating to protect me from this unpredictable illness!

Unpredictable outcomes has each one of us fearing what would become in each occurrence, and for anyone with health risks or experiences with dying, this might explode a multitude of emotions, like it does and continues to do for me!

Myocarditis was apart of my life experience back when i was just a teen. I fell extremely ill from what they described as viral myocarditis- leaving me in the hands of medicine and hope.

Four long weeks of hospitalization using life support equipment allowed me with time, the time in which to fight!

Day after day i layed with an unprediction. Would I die or would I survive?!

Near death came three times for me, each time a shock would bring me back, the gift of intervention which rippled into success! No one gave up on me, they offered me a chance for my body to fight back a virus.

I survived.

I was given back the chance to be alive.

25 years have since gone by, and I am still alive.

And now time has come to face deadly viruses again, so naturally I wonder about my time, and will I have the same strength to fight them this time?

Working as a front line health provider made me find courage to be with the risks, using PPE as my personal protective equipment. Did I quit because there is a heightened risk?! I wanted to , I cried many times, but I decided, I was built on being resilient, and I needed to do my piece in helping others now move through it.

Scared every day? of course I am, but you can only find courage when fear is apart of this plan!

Two days ago a sudden decision arrived, the vaccine was ready and my goodness it was my time.

Again, I cried.

25 years later yet i still feel the strain of unpredictable outcomes pulling my mind in!

I wonder about having an autoimmune disease now, a limit to receiving the vaccine right now, due to unprediction.

But I work the front line.

I watch many people arrive and die.

I care for family to those lost in this fight.

I want to survive.

I walked into the hall two days ago, plagued with conspiracies and doubt, but i rolled my sleeve up anyhow.

I accepted my chance, and believe in the hands telling me, this is the way forward, this is my opportunity.

That needle brought no pain, no instant treatment, all I still had was faith.

I questioned my body as I sat waiting for an allergy, Wondering upon every sensation – Is this an adverse reaction?.

It was my anxiety.

Two hours passed and I was laughing again. I was crying in comfort at every other staff who showed their courage and worth, but more their leadership.

I was tired the evening of my vaccination, but i was alive and okay, and satisfied with my body getting an opportunity to build up immunity!

I felt a slight headache 12 hours later, but I was alive and okay, and I was paving a way to move forward today.

Good morning everyone! I am so grateful for my health these days, I am proud of my body for taking me through an unpredictable journey supported by leaders helping us battle the unpredictable!

The decisions are complicated but the answers can be so simple. We’re living different today than we’ve ever seen, and I want to move forward and continue living out my dreams.

May you find your fear and listen to your mind, how it may wonder and cross so many whys.

Try to listen to each thought and ask yourself this,

Are you truly okay with the result of all this?!

No one knows what the days ahead shall bring, but are you ready to move forward as we fight this thing?

Sometimes we need help, despite what we feel, and it is where the scientists study and design new parallels.

When my mom had spoken way back then, she said “Do everything!”

These are the words i hear so softly these days,

because it’s my turn now to guide you back through illness uncertainties.

Please message me if you need someone to listen.

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4 Comments

    1. Thank you Tara for leading the way. You have reinforced my decision to get the vaccine when it is offered to me. I don’t have to listen to the naysayers in my life.
      I asked for the shingles vaccine and got it a few years ago because I did not want the chance that I might have to suffer with the effects of shingles. I also got a vaccine against polio when I was a child. – New decade – new vaccine!

      Liked by 2 people

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